Running Faster Than Ever, But Learning to Slow Down
Lately, I’ve been running harder than I ever have before. New role, new team, same old self-doubt.
It’s been an unsettling realization, but also an enlightening one: for years, self-criticism has been my default. The inner voice that tells me to toughen up, push through, and handle everything alone has been a constant. Loving myself has felt directly tied to my achievements - if I wasn’t accomplishing something, I wasn’t enough. Spoiler alert: this isn’t healthy!
And in that mindset, empathy always felt like an added burden. Why pause for emotions when there’s a task to finish, a goal to hit, a next step to push toward? But I’m realizing now that this way of thinking isn’t sustainable, and more importantly, it isn’t true. Self-worth isn’t a scoreboard. And if I want to be a better leader, a better partner, a better person, I need to start by shifting how I treat myself.
Three weeks ago, I got a reality check.
It was a normal Sunday evening, but I felt off. Not sick, not in pain, just off. It was like my body was trying to tell my mind something I wasn’t willing to hear: You need to slow down.
I brushed it aside. I had too much going on and pushed through, just like I always do. But after a few days, I realized something was seriously wrong. My stomach was twisted into an incredible knot and the pain was becoming worse by the minute. I later found out that my appendix was on the verge of exploding (after my wife rushed me to the hospital). It was a sobering moment when I realized the post-surgery downtime was the most relaxation I had gotten in the last year.
This forced me to stop and acknowledge something I had been avoiding for years:
If you don’t listen to your body, it forces you to.
That moment shook me. It made me realize that I don’t just need to slow down, I have to. So here’s what I’m doing about it. These aren’t grand, sweeping changes. They’re small, intentional steps I’m taking to rewire myself:
1. Mindful Pauses
I set a three-minute timer, close my eyes, and breathe. Nothing fancy, no pressure, just a few intentional breaths. And I remind myself: I’m doing my best. It’s a way to counteract the instinct to constantly move, to force myself to be still.
2. Acknowledge a Win
Each night, I have been writing down one small success, either personal or professional (sometimes both!). Not the biggest achievement of the day, just something that mattered. It’s a way to break the cycle of always looking ahead and never feeling satisfied.
3. Reframe My Self-Talk
This is the hardest one. My instinct is to push through negativity with tough love. “Stop bitching” has been my go-to self-motivation. But I’m learning to replace that with: “I’m trying hard, and that effort counts for something.” Because it does.
4. Take a Break
Fifteen minutes a day, I try and step away. A walk, sitting quietly, sometimes going to my local church on the way home from work and just sitting there thinking - anything that lets my brain reset. Productivity culture makes us think stepping away is a waste of time - it isn’t. It’s the reset button that lets us keep going without burning out.
5. Practice Empathy (For Others and Myself)
I’ve realized that I struggle to be empathetic to others because I haven’t been empathetic to myself. So I’m working on acknowledging feelings before jumping to solutions - whether it’s in a conversation with someone else or in my own self-talk. “That sounds tough.” That’s it. No fix, no dismissal, just acknowledgment.
These shifts aren’t instant, and they aren’t easy. But I’m learning that real growth isn’t about pushing harder, it’s about recognizing when to slow down.
